I have to start off with saying that these taglines suck & I’m highly disappointed.
Kandi – “Don’t mess with the boss, cause you might get fired.” (Is this in regards to Phaedra being gone?)
Kenya – “While some were saying ‘I can’t’, I was saying ‘I Do!'” (Eye roll.)
Nene – “10 Years in the game and I’m still the tastiest peach in Atlanta.” (It’s not that bad, actually. But she could have done better.)
Porsha -“Friends come and go, but family is forever.” (Says the girl who is the absolute worst friend.)
Cynthia – “Age is just a number, but these cheekbones are timeless!” (We get it Cynthia, you’re 50.)
Sheree- “Call me a bad server, because I always spill the tea.” (Eh. I just hate the whole tea thing in general.)
So we start off with briefly visiting Kandi and Todd. (Who, I think, are such a cute couple.) We see Sheree and Kairo, she made him breakfast. Kenya and her dog, King. Then we flash over to Cynthia, and I’m confused why we are watching her sexually wash her legs in the tub?
Heading over to “Porsha’s Palace.” Porsha informs us that her sister Lauren and niece Baleigh will be staying with her for a little while. Porsha talks about her house rules, and then they rehash Cynthia’s Birthday Party. (The fact that Porsha believes that she and Kandi are in an okay place is mind boggling.) They also talk about Nene.
We see Cynthia on what a first I thought was the creepiest date ever. She’s on a date with some guy named Evan, and despite that creepy ass warehouse, the date ends up being cute. Until, however, I learned that Evan is 29. WHAT!?!?!?!??!?!? Jesus he looked at least 40. Cynthia also just learns this for the first time, and then they have a toast, and she says, “To friendship.” LOL.
Sheree is meeting with a Life Coach, Jack Daniels (nope, nothing to do with the liquor.) This entire part was very very sad, and also a very serious topic. I know I’ve said this before, but I didn’t always watch RHOA. I had no idea that Sheree was abused by her ex-husband, and that flashback clip was very hard to watch. It was emotional and also infuriated me that her ex thought that was okay. Unrelated to this scene – what’s the difference between a therapist and a Life Coach? Because I kind of want one.
Next up we take a walk with Kenya and Cynthia, and their puppies. Kenya talks about how she met her husband. He’s a former Wall Street Banker. (Oooh, fancy.) He’s also really overwhelmed with all of the publicity and the bad media surrounding them. (Okay, I had to roll my eyes at this. Kenya is NOT on a Britney Spears level of fame – does she really have that much being published about her or is stalked by the paparazzi?)
We meet up with Kandi who is at Dupsie’s – she is with Shamea and their picking out outfits for Shamea’s Bridal Shower. Sheree arrives. The girls talk about how Porsha isn’t attending Shamea’s wedding. Which, I totally agree – is lame.
We briefly head back to Porsha’s Palace, where we learn Porsha has decided to become a vegan. We watch her throw out all her meat. YAWN.
Then we are in Kenya’s closet, while she shows King (yes, her dog), her wedding dress. She calls one of her friends and complains that she misses her husband and she’s really worried about the media, because Marc (yes, we finally learn his name!) is really struggling with it. She ends up asking the producers to come in, and she cries while saying, “I don’t want to get a divorce!”
Now we are at Kandi’s. Sheree is coming over, and she invited her friends Gregg, Michele & KeeKee. She wants their advice on how to tell her children about her issues with domestic abuse with her ex, their father. They practice – Kandi pretends to be Sheree and Gregg, Michele & KeeKee are the kids. It’s really hard to watch. I can’t imagine being in Sheree’s shoes, or how her children would feel hearing this. It’s awful.
Next up – Cynthia and her daughter, Noelle. Noelle’s boyfriend lives in Charlotte, and Peter also lives there. Noelle has recently seen Peter, and Cynthia asks if Peter has asked about her. Cynthia – get over it! Christ, why did you even get divorced? Cynthia shares that she went on a date with Evan – and his age. Noelle’s face is priceless.
Finally, we get to Shamea’s Bridal Shower, which was the most entertaining segment of the entire show. (Which isn’t saying much for this episode, honestly.)
Porsha & Kandi are super awkward. But I don’t really blame Kandi, she doesn’t want to be around her. The ladies are all sitting around, and Porsha gets questioned on why she isn’t actually going to Shamea’s wedding, which is in Africa. When Porsha states, “I can’t do coach” I literally cringed. She says she has Low Blow Pressure, and then even says she has “Vasovagal Syndrome/Syncope.” I can’t remember. FYI, I googled this, and it’s FAINTING! This is straight from Google: A sudden drop in heart rate and blood pressure leading to fainting, often in reaction to a stressful trigger.
Porsha get it together girl. You’re so full of shit. I can’t remember who said it, but I am not buying what you’re selling either! So sketchy.
We have some Bridal Party Games (I hate that shit, let’s move on.) Then Shamea comes and sits with the girls. She, too, calls out Porsha. Kandi and her friend are laughing obviously at the entire thing, making fun of Porsha and her “doctors notes”for everything. Porsha is clearly unhappy she was called out.
Everyone starts to file out, and then we see Shamea and Porsha in the car, talking about Shamea is upset with Porsha for not coming. Porsha says she’s mad that Shamea brought it up in front of everyone, especially Kandi. Porsha seriously won’t own it though, and sticks with her story of her weird fainting disease. Lauren breaks it up and says she has to go pick up Baleigh, and Shamea gets out of the car. Porsha, really? You’re a lousy ass friend.
And sadly, that’s pretty much it.
This was a total filler episode, and come on guys! That shouldn’t be happening on the second episode. I can’t lie, I was bored. I have PTSD flashbacks from this season of The OC – my excitement because I thought it was going to be AMAZING and then quitting after the second episode because it was horrible.
I won’t be quitting RHOA yet, I will give it another go. I just hope we get more next episode, and this season in general. Give us Nene!
Until next time…..