Thirteen Thoughts I have after watching SC: Hilton Headache (Season 5, Ep 9):

1.) Ashley is mentally unstable and downright evil.

Obviously from prior episodes, I was beginning to gather that Ashley was…well, unhinged.  However, the beginning scene of this episode, which picks up from where it left off last week, just proves how much of a psychotic, narcissistic bitch Ashley actually is.  The vile things that she said about Kathryn – her parenting, her children – are just things that you do not say.  Especially when you are literally just the girlfriend  of what, 3 months? How fucking dare she.

2.) Kathryn, Naomie, Danni & Chelsea = #SQUADGOALS

Seriously, I love these girls.  They have had Kathryn’s back all season, and Hilton Head is no exception.

3.) Danni should be a full time cast member.

Why isn’t she?  Has Danni not proved how much she is actually needed on this show?  Between telling T-Rav to “shut her the fuck up” in regards to Ashley’s antics, or pulling him aside and berating him for not sticking up for his baby Mama, Danni has proved time and time again she needs to be a full time cast member.  When Danni freaks out on Ashley and says something along the lines of “we don’t want you to sit with us”, I had total Mean Girls flashbacks.  Yaaaaassss, Danni!

4.) Naomie should also be a full time cast member.

Naomie has also proved she needs to be a full time cast member.  I’m living for her subtle yet apparent attitude this season.  Between her eye rolls, her snide remarks, and general IDGAF attitude, she clearly needs to be here all the time.  Take note, Andy.

5.) Kathryn has clearly come a long way.

I am so proud of Kathryn.  She has grown so much, it’s so clear from her behavior this entire season, and especially this episode.  The fact that she held herself together and endured all of the horrible things Ashley said without doing something regrettable speaks volumes.  I honestly cannot say I would do the same in Kathryn’s position.  I wanted to attack Ashley through the screen!  The “old” Kathryn would not have been able to keep her composure like she did tonight.  #TeamKathryn always.

6.) Thomas is THE WORST.

I’ve known this before tonight, however, if I ever forgot, for even a moment, Thomas made sure that I remembered tonight just how much I actually despise him.  I mean, Jesus Christ!  Like Danni said – “SHUT HER THE FUCK UP!”  I couldn’t believe he didn’t pull Ashley away sooner.  You let someone talk to the mother of your children like that?  I loathe him. Not to mention, the way he spoke to Chelsea on the ferry was completely uncalled for.

7.) I kind of want Chelsea & Austen to get back together.

I know, wtf – am I crazy?  Something about their little one on one gave me all the feels though!  I know Austen pulled Chelsea aside to tell her that he was dating Victoria, but you can tell that they’re just not going to last.  (I had this premonition before Victoria dumped him because of Naomie’s instagram story – the picture that Victoria claims Chelsea is “kissing Austen’s shoulder” – so dramatic.)

8.) Craig is literally the comic relief of the show, without even trying to be.

The stuff Craig says legit kills me.  I love when he tells Kathryn that she kept it together because “she’s sober and crushing life”.  And all of the girls are like “uhhh….” and Craig was like “What? It’s a compliment.”  Or how he gets unreasonably angry at Naomie when she says that she bets he won’t get up in the AM to cook them breakfast.  Or when he tells Kathryn that her and Ashley have something in common – they both didn’t use birth control while sleeping with Thomas.  Or when he’s getting dressed and he’s upset because he “ran out of clothes” even though it’s only Day 2, and he talks to himself in the mirror and pretends not to care even though he really does.  I could go on forever.  Oh Craig, I love you. LOL.

9.) Shep has seen the light.

The boys don’t typically take sides in any of the fights that involve the girls, but I’m so glad that Shep has finally seen the light and now realizes what a horrible human being Ashley is.  Between their convo at the bar, and then their “chat” back at the house (where Ashley is irrationally arrogant, and keeps saying, “good talk, good talk”) Shep has finally seen her for the bitchy girl she really is.  He tells the girls that he hates her.  Thank you Shep!

10.) Whitney is a shit-stirrer.

Ok, I really do love Whitney, and I was so glad he was at the table during the Ashley/Kathryn fight because he definitely had Kathryn’s back.  However, he’s still such a shit-stirrer.  He couldn’t wait to get onto the ferry and get Thomas going – telling him that Chelsea said Ashley couldn’t stay in the house if Kathryn wasn’t comfortable with it.  He knew that would set him off.  I mean, I get it.  He is a producer, he’s gotta keep those ratings.

11.) T-Rav & TrAshley are the couple that makes everyone around them uncomfortable.

Can you guys not creepily make out on the ferry while you’re basically making eye contact with everyone else?  Gag.  Every scene with them is just super awkward.  We don’t want to see your gross PDA, thanks. And enough with that Bonnie and Clyde shit.  “It’s you and me against the world, baby.”  I can’t.

12.) Ashley is delusional.

I know this obviously goes along with Ashley being mentally unstable.  But her delusions are endless.  “Just because you give birth to something does not make you a mother.”  Uh, yes, actually, it does.  Just because you’ve been dating a 50 year old “convicted felon” (just reiterating her own words) for 3 months does not make you a step-mother.  She also doesn’t see anything wrong with her actions.  She believes she is totally in the right for the horrible stuff she said.  Thank you for showing your true colors.  Delusional AF.

13.) Thomas still wants Kathryn.

Could it be any more obvious?  He goes on and on to Whitney, saying how impressed he was by Kathryn’s self control.  He’s also been making comments here and there that are inappropriate.  When they’re ordering drinks (may have been from last weeks episode)  Thomas keeps making some comment about ordering a redhead.  Awkward.  He also makes many references to Ashley about Kathryn’s luggage and riding boots he bought for her.  Also awkward.

Until next week….