RHOBH: FIFTY SHADES OF SHADE

What an episode!  I’m so sick of Puppy Gate, but clearly, this is moving way beyond just an issue with Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy.  Shit’s going down.

K Rich

We start out with Kyle, who is at The Agency, visiting Mauricio.  (I’m obsessed with Kyle’s jacket.  Obsessed.)  Kyle is feeling better now that Sophia is officially at school.  She shares with Mauricio that she’s worried that American Women (her TV Show, the one that has caused friction with her sisters) is not going to be picked up for a second season, but she’s trying to stay positive.

img_7384

Say whatever you want about Dorit – she’s literally slaying.  Her body is giving me life.  She is beyond gorgeous – #GOALS.  JMG Magazine is shooting Dorit and Barbie Blank (why do I know her?) modeling Dorit’s swimwear line, Beverly Beach.  And they’re going to be on the cover.

img_7365

Dorit’s invited Erika to the shoot, because she feels like “if you want to push the boundaries”, Erika Jayne is the best one to get advice from.  I’m LOLing at Erika giving her two cents; “Guts in, tits up!”  “You’re selling ass, not cookies!” LMAO.

img_7354

Denise is over at LVP’s, and she brought her daughters, Lola & Eloise.  Denise states that she knows all of the other ladies have an issue with LVP, but LVP has been nothing but “warm, compassionate and lovely” to her.  She wants to make her own judgment.  That’s totally fair.

img_7356

Back at Dorit’s, once the shoot wraps up, Erika and Dorit are chatting.  Dorit fills Erika in on the conversation she had the day prior at LVP’s with Kyle – and all of the texts LVP shared.  Erika is surprised by this information, because this is different than what she has heard from Teddi.  Dorit tells Erika she still feels the same way – like LVP isn’t going to take ownership, and she doesn’t think this is all Teddi, though she realizes now that Teddi is not as innocent as she originally portrayed herself to be.  They both muse about what LVP’s endgame is – to make Dorit look bad?  It sure seems so.  Erika tells Dorit, “Don’t trust anyone.”

C and L

now we saidi t.gif

Rinna is visiting Camille – she’s checking out the restaurant/venue she plans on having her 50th Birthday Bash at.  Rinna brings up the Bahamas and LVP, and Camille says, “We’ve all experienced the wrath of LVP.” I am literally dead at this clip of Camille calling out LVP for telling Camille to bring up Taylor and Russell (Season 2, which I just watched!)  Camille admits that Lisa did tell her to bring it up, and that Lisa has “a habit of keeping her hands clean.”  I mean, isn’t that obvious by now?  Everyone who is so Pro-LVP – she literally does this every single season.  It’s a pattern.  Camille also feels bad for LVP though – she’s going through a lot, and she’s having a tough time.  Honestly, I really love Camille.  I think she knows how LVP is, but she doesn’t care.  It’s kind of like – it is what it is.  Lisa’s always been this way, she’s not going to change now. Camille does bring up Dorit, though, and says that she is kind of phony.  Lisa Rinna thinks Camille is being “wishy-washy” because they got along just fine in the Bahamas.  “Did she really want a dog?” Camille asks.  “Or did she just want to be closer to Vanderpump.”  Rinna looks shocked, and Camille adds, “I know, I’m being catty.”

img_7359

Denise and Aaron are discussing their upcoming wedding – they seriously do plan on getting married on 9/8/18, and they cheers to “trying to put together a wedding in a week.”  They found a place in Malibu where they want to have it at, and it looked gorgeous.  I’m so weirdly attracted to Aaron right now, LMAO. I love how spontaneous these two are.

Teddi

Teddi is meeting with her therapist, Val.  She tells Val that she’s, “a mess today”, and she fills her in on what’s been going on.  She admits that she has anxiety because of it, and I think it’s written all over Teddi’s face that she got in way over her head.  She owns it all – she was in on the scheme, but she couldn’t go through with it.  She also shares with us that she was originally told a story about Lucy that wasn’t true.  Teddi believed Lucy had been locked in Dorit’s basement, and hadn’t seen the light of day for months, and then had been taken to a kill shelter.  (WTF?)

Honestly, I’m totally Team Teddi.  Trying to take someone down isn’t the right thing to do, but she’s owning it now, and she’s sorry for it.  She also didn’t even go through with it.  This is LVP’s M.O. – she uses whoever the newest/weakest person is to do her dirty work.  Seriously, please look back at prior seasons.  She’s close with Camille while Camille is going through a horrible divorce, and has Camille confront Taylor about the Russell situation, while she sits back and watches.  She was super close to Brandi, and screwed her over with the tabloid thing with Kyle and Mauricio (Mauricio was supposedly cheating.)  She became good friends with Lisa Rinna, only to put a bug in her ear that Yolanda Hadid had Munchausen Syndrome, and then pinned it all on Lisa.   And now she’s doing it to Teddi, so she can get back at Dorit.  Erika Jayne called it from the moment she met LVP – “Lisa Vanderpump is a sniper from the side.”

I like that Teddi’s therapist, Val, tells her, “It’s okay that a loose end isn’t going to be tied up.”  I feel like I needed to hear that advice.

img_7362

img_7364

Over at Hart & The Hunter, Kyle and LVP are meeting up with Denise and Aaron for dinner.  We learn that American Women was not picked up for a second season, and although Kyle’s disappointed, she’s hoping she’ll be able to reconnect with her sisters.  Denise is being super silly during dinner, and she just keeps talking about how big Aaron’s penis is.  LMAO.  Denise fills them in on their plans for the wedding – Kyle can’t go, because she has a party at The Agency that night.  But all of the other girls plan on attending.

img_7374

It’s Camille’s birthday!  Her party is in full swing, and everyone looks fabulous.  I will say, though I usually love Rinna, she’s annoying me with her side comments on Camille and Dorit’s relationship.  She tells us in her confessional, “Flip-floppers are confusing.”  Like cut it out, Rinna.

img_7358

Teddi, Erika and Dorit are talking, and things are clearly awkward.  “Tell her,” Erika urges Dorit. Dorit, who also looks nervous, replies, “Now?”  Teddi is anxious, and asks, “Tell me what? Just tell me now.”  Dorit calls Teddi out – she goes over everything she learned at Vanderpump’s.  The three of them go out onto the patio to talk more.

Erika tells Teddi, “It sounded shady.”  Teddi explains the entire story, including her part in it.  Erika sees Kyle and LVP heading into the party, and says, “Guys, here she comes.”  Teddi and Dorit continue to talk, despite knowing LVP is close by.  “I was set up,” Teddi confesses.  “I took the bait, but I couldn’t go through with it.”

Kyle knows something is going on, but she’s not getting into it right now.  “There’s something going down, but I’m just going to mosey on by.”

Teddi apologizes to Dorit – she truly is sorry.  She felt like LVP was there for her the year before, when she was struggling to fit in with the girls.  Erika chimes in, and says, “She feels used. She’s accepting responsibility.”  Dorit respects this.  She wants to move on, and she appreciates Teddi’s apology.  Now she wants LVP to own it.

img_7367

 

woah

 

Rinna & Kyle join the girls, and Teddi fills them in on what’s going on.  Denise joins the group, because she wants the girls to come back inside.  LVP is soon outside as well.

“We’re talking about the other day,” Kyle tells LVP.

img_7355

“I want to move on from it,” LVP informs the group.  “It’s all clear to me.”

“What’s clear to you?” Teddi is livid.

“You’re guilty by omission,” LVP says, as if she honestly doesn’t have anything to do with this debacle. “I saw the texts, I was shocked.”

I’m literally screaming at my TV at this point – are you fucking kidding me?  GTFO.  I cannot.  Teddi questions Lisa – how did she know that she knew? Lisa backtracks at this and contradicts herself.  She says she didn’t know that Teddi knew – but then she says of course she knew Teddi knew.  Which one is it?

Kyle tells us in her confessional, “It’s very clear to me Lisa Vanderpump wanted Teddi to know about the dog.”  Rinna tells us, “All roads lead back to LVP.”  Sorry LVP, everyone seems to be onto you.

img_7379

Teddi takes complete ownership.  She tells LVP that she knows she will never own it, but at the end of the day, Teddi told the truth, and if LVP can live with herself, then that’s fine – “it’s been working for you for a long time,” she adds.  (Everyone is so shocked right now.  Yaaassss Teddi!)

LVP has the audacity to ask, “You don’t feel any guilt or remorse?”  “Not to you,” Teddi snaps.  “I feel betrayed by you.”  “I feel betrayed by you,” LVP retorts.  “Oh, cause I couldn’t carry out your plan?  Sorry.”  Teddi is done.

Dorit tells us, “The truth will always set you free.”

img_7375

Back inside, the girls all sing Happy Birthday to Camille, and it’s as if the past twenty minutes never occurred, LOL.  (Only in Beverly Hills.)  The girls seem to enjoy the rest of the night – Kyle’s wasted, and Rinna’s encouraging her to do splits.  LMAO.  Typical.

The night is coming to an end……and so are some friendships.

What’d you guys think? Until next week…..

xo