RHOBH: FIFTY SHADES OF SHADE

What an episode!  I’m so sick of Puppy Gate, but clearly, this is moving way beyond just an issue with Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy.  Shit’s going down.

K Rich

We start out with Kyle, who is at The Agency, visiting Mauricio.  (I’m obsessed with Kyle’s jacket.  Obsessed.)  Kyle is feeling better now that Sophia is officially at school.  She shares with Mauricio that she’s worried that American Women (her TV Show, the one that has caused friction with her sisters) is not going to be picked up for a second season, but she’s trying to stay positive.

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Say whatever you want about Dorit – she’s literally slaying.  Her body is giving me life.  She is beyond gorgeous – #GOALS.  JMG Magazine is shooting Dorit and Barbie Blank (why do I know her?) modeling Dorit’s swimwear line, Beverly Beach.  And they’re going to be on the cover.

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Dorit’s invited Erika to the shoot, because she feels like “if you want to push the boundaries”, Erika Jayne is the best one to get advice from.  I’m LOLing at Erika giving her two cents; “Guts in, tits up!”  “You’re selling ass, not cookies!” LMAO.

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Denise is over at LVP’s, and she brought her daughters, Lola & Eloise.  Denise states that she knows all of the other ladies have an issue with LVP, but LVP has been nothing but “warm, compassionate and lovely” to her.  She wants to make her own judgment.  That’s totally fair.

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Back at Dorit’s, once the shoot wraps up, Erika and Dorit are chatting.  Dorit fills Erika in on the conversation she had the day prior at LVP’s with Kyle – and all of the texts LVP shared.  Erika is surprised by this information, because this is different than what she has heard from Teddi.  Dorit tells Erika she still feels the same way – like LVP isn’t going to take ownership, and she doesn’t think this is all Teddi, though she realizes now that Teddi is not as innocent as she originally portrayed herself to be.  They both muse about what LVP’s endgame is – to make Dorit look bad?  It sure seems so.  Erika tells Dorit, “Don’t trust anyone.”

C and L

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Rinna is visiting Camille – she’s checking out the restaurant/venue she plans on having her 50th Birthday Bash at.  Rinna brings up the Bahamas and LVP, and Camille says, “We’ve all experienced the wrath of LVP.” I am literally dead at this clip of Camille calling out LVP for telling Camille to bring up Taylor and Russell (Season 2, which I just watched!)  Camille admits that Lisa did tell her to bring it up, and that Lisa has “a habit of keeping her hands clean.”  I mean, isn’t that obvious by now?  Everyone who is so Pro-LVP – she literally does this every single season.  It’s a pattern.  Camille also feels bad for LVP though – she’s going through a lot, and she’s having a tough time.  Honestly, I really love Camille.  I think she knows how LVP is, but she doesn’t care.  It’s kind of like – it is what it is.  Lisa’s always been this way, she’s not going to change now. Camille does bring up Dorit, though, and says that she is kind of phony.  Lisa Rinna thinks Camille is being “wishy-washy” because they got along just fine in the Bahamas.  “Did she really want a dog?” Camille asks.  “Or did she just want to be closer to Vanderpump.”  Rinna looks shocked, and Camille adds, “I know, I’m being catty.”

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Denise and Aaron are discussing their upcoming wedding – they seriously do plan on getting married on 9/8/18, and they cheers to “trying to put together a wedding in a week.”  They found a place in Malibu where they want to have it at, and it looked gorgeous.  I’m so weirdly attracted to Aaron right now, LMAO. I love how spontaneous these two are.

Teddi

Teddi is meeting with her therapist, Val.  She tells Val that she’s, “a mess today”, and she fills her in on what’s been going on.  She admits that she has anxiety because of it, and I think it’s written all over Teddi’s face that she got in way over her head.  She owns it all – she was in on the scheme, but she couldn’t go through with it.  She also shares with us that she was originally told a story about Lucy that wasn’t true.  Teddi believed Lucy had been locked in Dorit’s basement, and hadn’t seen the light of day for months, and then had been taken to a kill shelter.  (WTF?)

Honestly, I’m totally Team Teddi.  Trying to take someone down isn’t the right thing to do, but she’s owning it now, and she’s sorry for it.  She also didn’t even go through with it.  This is LVP’s M.O. – she uses whoever the newest/weakest person is to do her dirty work.  Seriously, please look back at prior seasons.  She’s close with Camille while Camille is going through a horrible divorce, and has Camille confront Taylor about the Russell situation, while she sits back and watches.  She was super close to Brandi, and screwed her over with the tabloid thing with Kyle and Mauricio (Mauricio was supposedly cheating.)  She became good friends with Lisa Rinna, only to put a bug in her ear that Yolanda Hadid had Munchausen Syndrome, and then pinned it all on Lisa.   And now she’s doing it to Teddi, so she can get back at Dorit.  Erika Jayne called it from the moment she met LVP – “Lisa Vanderpump is a sniper from the side.”

I like that Teddi’s therapist, Val, tells her, “It’s okay that a loose end isn’t going to be tied up.”  I feel like I needed to hear that advice.

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Over at Hart & The Hunter, Kyle and LVP are meeting up with Denise and Aaron for dinner.  We learn that American Women was not picked up for a second season, and although Kyle’s disappointed, she’s hoping she’ll be able to reconnect with her sisters.  Denise is being super silly during dinner, and she just keeps talking about how big Aaron’s penis is.  LMAO.  Denise fills them in on their plans for the wedding – Kyle can’t go, because she has a party at The Agency that night.  But all of the other girls plan on attending.

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It’s Camille’s birthday!  Her party is in full swing, and everyone looks fabulous.  I will say, though I usually love Rinna, she’s annoying me with her side comments on Camille and Dorit’s relationship.  She tells us in her confessional, “Flip-floppers are confusing.”  Like cut it out, Rinna.

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Teddi, Erika and Dorit are talking, and things are clearly awkward.  “Tell her,” Erika urges Dorit. Dorit, who also looks nervous, replies, “Now?”  Teddi is anxious, and asks, “Tell me what? Just tell me now.”  Dorit calls Teddi out – she goes over everything she learned at Vanderpump’s.  The three of them go out onto the patio to talk more.

Erika tells Teddi, “It sounded shady.”  Teddi explains the entire story, including her part in it.  Erika sees Kyle and LVP heading into the party, and says, “Guys, here she comes.”  Teddi and Dorit continue to talk, despite knowing LVP is close by.  “I was set up,” Teddi confesses.  “I took the bait, but I couldn’t go through with it.”

Kyle knows something is going on, but she’s not getting into it right now.  “There’s something going down, but I’m just going to mosey on by.”

Teddi apologizes to Dorit – she truly is sorry.  She felt like LVP was there for her the year before, when she was struggling to fit in with the girls.  Erika chimes in, and says, “She feels used. She’s accepting responsibility.”  Dorit respects this.  She wants to move on, and she appreciates Teddi’s apology.  Now she wants LVP to own it.

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woah

 

Rinna & Kyle join the girls, and Teddi fills them in on what’s going on.  Denise joins the group, because she wants the girls to come back inside.  LVP is soon outside as well.

“We’re talking about the other day,” Kyle tells LVP.

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“I want to move on from it,” LVP informs the group.  “It’s all clear to me.”

“What’s clear to you?” Teddi is livid.

“You’re guilty by omission,” LVP says, as if she honestly doesn’t have anything to do with this debacle. “I saw the texts, I was shocked.”

I’m literally screaming at my TV at this point – are you fucking kidding me?  GTFO.  I cannot.  Teddi questions Lisa – how did she know that she knew? Lisa backtracks at this and contradicts herself.  She says she didn’t know that Teddi knew – but then she says of course she knew Teddi knew.  Which one is it?

Kyle tells us in her confessional, “It’s very clear to me Lisa Vanderpump wanted Teddi to know about the dog.”  Rinna tells us, “All roads lead back to LVP.”  Sorry LVP, everyone seems to be onto you.

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Teddi takes complete ownership.  She tells LVP that she knows she will never own it, but at the end of the day, Teddi told the truth, and if LVP can live with herself, then that’s fine – “it’s been working for you for a long time,” she adds.  (Everyone is so shocked right now.  Yaaassss Teddi!)

LVP has the audacity to ask, “You don’t feel any guilt or remorse?”  “Not to you,” Teddi snaps.  “I feel betrayed by you.”  “I feel betrayed by you,” LVP retorts.  “Oh, cause I couldn’t carry out your plan?  Sorry.”  Teddi is done.

Dorit tells us, “The truth will always set you free.”

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Back inside, the girls all sing Happy Birthday to Camille, and it’s as if the past twenty minutes never occurred, LOL.  (Only in Beverly Hills.)  The girls seem to enjoy the rest of the night – Kyle’s wasted, and Rinna’s encouraging her to do splits.  LMAO.  Typical.

The night is coming to an end……and so are some friendships.

What’d you guys think? Until next week…..

xo

RHONY: DIVIDED, THEY SUMMER

New York is back!!! This season honestly looks insane, even though based on the previews, I have no idea what’s happening or why.  All I do know is, is that it looks totally crazy.

Before I get started, I need to give you all a heads up – I didn’t watch the whole season religiously last year.  I saw bits and pieces, so to be honest, this whole Lu/Dorinda fight is kind of confusing to me.  They can’t only be arguing because of Jovani, right?  I’m guessing I missed something bigger…..but let’s begin.

We start off with a “Six Months Ago….”

And we’re back at Lu’s Cabaret show, before shit hit the fan.

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(I know a lot of people thought Dorinda was a lot during this scene…I personally found it funny.  But I also love Dorinda, she’s my fav RHONY housewife, so I tend to side with her.)

We also find out that Luann was sued by her children and ex-husband, and she checked herself back into rehab.

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We quickly move over to Bethenny, and receive more bad news.

Dennis

Bethenny’s boyfriend, Dennis Shields, was found dead.  We see old clips of Bethenny talking about him, and she expresses that she loves him.

Jesus, ya’ll, this is already really heavy, and it’s the first two minutes.

Let’s switch to present day.  We watch the girls all running around NYC.  Tinsley is on the phone, and Scott had his car shipped from Chicago to NYC for her.  Sonja’s out for a walk with her dog.  Lu is on the phone with her daughter, Victoria, and she’s talking about her upcoming Cabaret Show – she added Girl Code to the list, and she wants to know if Victoria will come up on stage and sing it with her?

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Bethenny is doing a photo shoot for her jeans, and she excuses herself and heads to the restroom, where we can hear her crying.

Ramona’s meeting with Real Estate Agents, and plans on selling soon.

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Dorinda is meeting up with her friend, Luke, and they’re exercising together.  We learn that Dorinda has spent the majority of her Summer in the Berkshires, where she has been working on herself. She tells Luke that she hasn’t really been drinking – “Nothing good happens when you have a couple of drinks, I don’t handle alcohol well.”

Dorinda is absolutely right, but I’d be lying if I said that the flashbacks didn’t make me laugh.  (I still LOL every time I think of Dorinda in the pizza place; “CLIP!”)  Dorinda and Luke discuss Luann – Dorinda thinks Lu was deflecting.  “In the last year and a half, she’s been married, divorced, arrested, assaulted a police officer, went to rehab, came out of rehab, was still drinking the whole time, went back to rehab.”  As much as I love Dorinda, I can’t stick up for her here – listing all of Lu’s downfalls is low.  I don’t agree with that.  Dorinda tells us that she wishes her well, but it’s not healthy for either of them to be around each other at this point. I think she’s right.

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Over at Bethenny’s in Bridgehampton, we learn that Dennis passed only three weeks earlier.  I had no idea that they began filming so soon after his death.  I honestly cannot even imagine.  Bethenny is telling her friends how she texted Dennis, even after she knew he was no longer here.  She said she knows it’s weird, but it just made her feel better.  Then she tells us that Brynn texted Dennis – and my heart is broken.  Ugh, that poor little girl.  Bethenny tells us in her confessional that it doesn’t matter what happened or how – the fact of the matter is, he’s dead.  I totally agree with that.  At the end of the day, the cause of death doesn’t mean anything.  Someone lost their life, and it doesn’t matter if it was from cancer or an overdose.  Death is death. I truly feel horrible for her.

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Sonja has a new apartment – she has downsized, and she feels so refreshed now being in a smaller space.  (For some reason, I truly doubt this, but whatever you say, Sonja.)  Ramona comes over, and Sonja fills her in on how she’s planning on painting the walls pink (because her daughter wants to???) and wants to have black lacquer doors.  Ramona is so disgusted by this, LMAO.  They talk briefly about Bethenny, and Ramona tells us in her confessional that she feels really bad that Bethenny lost her friend Dennis, because she doesn’t have that many close friends.  Seriously Ramona?  Whyyyyy did you have to take it there?  And you wonder why Bethenny doesn’t want to befriend you.  I’m shaking my head.

Barb

Over at Lu’s in Sag Harbor, we meet Barbara.  Luann and Barbara have known each other for 15 years.  Their sons went to Summer Camp together, and they’ve been friends ever since.  We learn that Barbara was a part of the intervention from Lu’s last stay in rehab.  Luann is very grateful, she feels as though Barbara, as well as Bethenny and another woman named Anne,  saved her life.

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Luann tells us that she’s 53 days sober, and she becomes emotional.  She’s been going to meetings every day, and she tells Barbara that she cannot slip again.  I genuinely feel for Lu – addiction is no joke.  It’s an uphill battle, but she seems to be doing great and I’m so happy that she’s sober and has a good support system.

T and D

Tinsley and Dorinda meet up to go shopping.  (I’m loving Dorinda’s shirt, I need it.)  Tinsley and Scott are still together, and doing well.  (Except we know now, in real time, that they’re not.)  Tinsley asks Dorinda if she’s spoken to Luann, to which Dorinda replies, “Nope.”   They’re trying on clothes, and they bring up Bethenny; they both reached out to her in regards to Dennis passing.  Dorinda comes out of the dressing room in a leotard/onesie thing, and Tinsley comments on how tanned she is.  I’m dying when she responds, “I found out from that ancestry thing I have a little bit of Moroccan in me.”  LMAO.

Sonja

I am literally dying at Sonja laying in her bed, calling out for her assistant, Taylor, to bring her breakfast. (Poor Taylor literally looks like she hates her life – and I don’t blame her.  I wonder what she gets paid?)  Sonja tells us that “Mr. Netflix & Chill” is coming over, and she doesn’t have curtains up yet, so she literally duct tapes her monogrammed towels to the windows.  I cannot.

Ramona

Ramona’s at her house in South Hampton, and she’s meeting with a swimming instructor, Boris.  Honestly, I’m not Ramona’s biggest fan, but she literally kills me at times.  “I don’t know if I’ll be able to concentrate on swimming because you’re very cute.”  LMAO, she’s a lot of work.  She seriously looks beyond fab, though.

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Tinsley and Sonja are heading to the Hamptons, and Tinsley is driving them in Scott’s car.  Tinsley hasn’t driven in over five years, and she’s freaking out.  “Blinking yellow, what does that mean?  I think that’s new.”  LMFAO.

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Over at Bethenny’s, Lu and Barbara arrive.  Luann brought a pie, and Barbara realizes she hasn’t brought anything.  She’s going to go back to get flowers, but instead, decides to give Bethenny a tool kit (that she created).  Ummm….really?  So weird.  Shameless plug.  Bethenny tells Lu and Barbara that she’s sorry she’s acting weird – she said she felt fine, and then fifteen minutes before they arrived Dennis’s daughter sent her a picture of Dennis, and it got her feeling emotional.

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Dorinda is the first to arrive at Ramona’s.  She chose not to drive to with Sonja and Tinsley because she has anxiety about the whole Luann situation.  Dorinda is silly when she first walks in – she brought a Lu and Tom tote bag, which Ramona will not touch because it’s “Bad Luck”.  LMAO.  Dorinda quickly confides in Ramona, however, that she’s very nervous to see Lu.

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Over at Bethenny’s, Lu tells us that “Ramona is a liar.”  Apparently, Ramona had lied about Luann being drunk at a party.  Luann goes on to say, “Ramona’s always been a thorn in my side.”  They discuss Lu’s issue with Dorinda – Lu thinks Dorinda “hates herself”, which I think is a very harsh and unnecessary thing to say.  She also says that Dorinda doesn’t reach out to her.

Switching back over to Ramona’s house, Dorinda tells us that she’s very hurt by Lu.  Ramona tells Dorinda, ” She can’t help herself, she’s not in a good place.”

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We learn that Barbara is having a clambake, and she’s invited all of the girls.  “Even Dorinda?” Bethenny asks.  Barbara tells Bethenny that she and Dorinda have been friends for years.  Lu tells them that she may not go to the clambake if Dorinda is going, and Bethenny then tells Barbara she should un-invite Dorinda, because Lu is the one in recovery.  Seriously?  That’s so over the top.  GTFO.

We end with Dorinda telling Ramona that she and Luann both “need space” right now.

Although I’m underwhelmed this episode (minus the first two minutes), I also understand that it’s the first episode, and we need to get caught up with everyone.  This season looks like a lot is going to go down…so we’ll see!

Until next week….

xo

RHOBH: THE PROOF HURTS

I can’t start this week without saying that I cannot believe we are 5 episodes in and still talking about Puppy Gate. But let’s just get to it.

We start out at Kyle’s, where everyone is packing because they’re getting ready to send Sophia off to school. (She’s going to college in DC.) We are already know Kyle’s feelings about Sophia leaving from previous episodes – she’s super emotional. They talk about their plans – they’re staying at a hotel for the weekend, helping Sophia get set up, and Farrah is meeting them in DC, too, which is really nice. Kyle tells us she really doesn’t like change. I feel that.

Denise & Rinna meet up at Malibu Lagoon. (Dying at Rinna’s shirt – can I please have one!?) They talk about The Bahamas, and Denise said she loves Erika. She also said she really liked LVP – she enjoyed the time they spent together when they were getting a massage. Rinna totally bites her tongue here and just goes with the flow. They don’t stay on the Bahama Drama long – Denise tells Rinna that Aaron’s divorce is finalized, and they’re planning on getting married. Lisa Rinna is super excited for her.

Over at The Kemsley’s, PK & Dorit are catching up. PK asks Dorit if she’s talked to LVP, to which she replies, “No.” He asks, “Not since The Bahamas?” Again, no. PK tells Dorit that LVP never called or texted him on his birthday, which isn’t like her. Dorit looks perplexed, and says that she and LVP need to “clear some things up.”

“I love her, but LVP is a genius at manipulation and control.” Those are some strong words from PK. He goes on to say, “It gets a little bit difficult for me when it’s my wife.” Dorit responds, “I would just like a little bit of honesty. If she tells me the truth we can work through it.”

I honestly find that ironic – you want the truth, yet you have yet to give us the truth in regards to Puppy Gate. Maybe LVP already knows the truth, but we, the viewers, do not. Again, the million dollar question we all want to know the answer to – why didn’t you give the dog back to Vanderpump Dogs? Or even, why didn’t you tell LVP you were giving the dog away prior to actually doing it? I’m sorry, this is so bizarre and doesn’t make sense. Wtf am I missing?

PK wants to know if there’s any scenario that Teddi is making it up, but Dorit doesn’t think so. PK states that someone is lying, and thinks that LVP owes Dorit an apology, because “she’s done nothing wrong.”

Except, Dorit did do something wrong. However, in this situation, LVP trying to set up Dorit is really fucked up. I’ve said this from Day One – if LVP was mad at Dorit, she would have every right to be, so why not just own it? This is honestly infuriating.

Teddi is at Erika’s (loving this friendship you guys!) and they’re rehashing Puppy Gate. (Side note: I would like a chapel in my home, and I love Erika’s leopard top. Anyway.) Erika tells us that going up against LVP shows strength, and she finds that admirable. Teddi starts from the beginning, so let’s just do this:

One month ago, Teddi & Dorit were not in a good place. Teddi tells Erika she saw Dorit out at events, and Dorit ignored her, but it was whatever. Teddi gets a call from Vanderpump Dogs, and is told all about the Lucy situation.

“This thing happened with the dog, and Lisa wanted you to know.”

Teddi admits she had a dramatic response to it, and says, “I was kind of in it.” She admits that she wanted the tea and asked for the details. “She fed me the information – I bit.”

Teddi goes on, “Lisa Vanderpump invited me and Kyle to Vanderpump Dogs-” Erika cuts in and asks, “For what?” Teddi replies, “They wanted me to say it and I couldn’t go through with it.”

“What did she want you to go through with?” – Erika

“Telling everybody what Dorit did.” – Teddi

“Oh God.” – Erika

Meanwhile, at Lisa Vanderpump’s, Lisa is meeting with John Blizzard. I am beyond annoyed by this entire scene. LVP literally runs through the events, but unlike Teddi’s confession, I am not buying hers. She’s trying too hard. She’s putting John Blizzard on this spot, and making sure that we’re all aware she “barely knows” him.

Back at Erika’s, Teddi is telling her, “Lisa’s in a tizzy, and saying ‘Don’t say anything’. That’s when I realized I had been set up.”

Erika tells us in her confessional that she didn’t think Teddi was as innocent as she portrays herself to be. We get a clip from the Reunion last season, where Erika tells Teddi she’s calculated. She tells us, “I think I was proven right.” She also tells us in her confessional, “It takes a lot to want to help take someone down.”

Teddi goes on to tell us that she’s not lying, and if she was lying, why would she implicate herself? She admits she was petty in the beginning and that she was originally involved. Erika reminds her that she has the proof, but Teddi thinks LVP will still find a way to flip this on her. And she’s absolutely right.

When we switch back over to LVP and John Blizzard, I truly feel like I’m watching a scripted scene. Lisa wants it to be clear that her words were misconstrued. She brings up the argument John Sessa and Ken had the night they found out Lucy was in the shelter, and I find it very convenient that LVP just happened to announce that she didn’t care who knew. John Blizzard then goes on to confirm that John Sessa said, “LVP doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter, tell whoever.” LVP states, “But then you implicate me.”

“I put words in your mouth that were not true and I will own that and I’m sorry for that.” – John Blizzard.

Oh my god, this is the biggest crock of shit I have literally ever heard. Give me a break! You honestly expect me to believe this? Why would John Blizzard lie to Teddi to begin with? He wouldn’t. He would literally not benefit from that in any way, shape or form. If anything, he would only hurt himself by going against her.

“Everyone at the center is upset that this is being flipped onto you,” he tells Lisa. I can’t even listen to this anymore, it’s unreal. Of course John Blizzard is going to back track now. He’s going to kiss LVP’s ass because she’s his boss, and this was planned all along, it just wasn’t supposed to come out.

A break from Puppy Gate – we’re at The George Washington University, where Sophia is going to school. I am dying at Mauricio, he’s killing me in these scenes. He looks around the around the dorm room and goes, “You have gorgeous windows.” Lmao @ Sophia – “It’s just a regular window.”

In BH, Lisa Rinna is getting ready to do a photo shoot for CVLUX Magazine. It’s a home and garden shoot, which Rinna finds amusing. “High fashion in the garden.”

In her confessional, Rinna tells us that LVP takes herself too seriously, and she needs to “own up to her mistakes.” Also, taking yourself too seriously ages you, according to Rinna. 😂 I know people have a lot of feels on Rinna, but I really don’t care – I love her. She literally owns everything she’s ever done – you can’t take that away from her. She’s living her best life right now.

Teddi calls Kyle while she’s in DC to check on her. (Lmao @ Mauricio curling Kyle’s hair for her.) Kyle asks Teddi what she’s up to, and she fills her in on her conversation with Erika and how she’s feeling about LVP. Kyle wonders what LVP’s next move will be, and she also feels like she’s going to be forced to pick a side. She tells us that she’s just going to choose the truth. Preach, Kyle. I know I’ve had mixed feelings about Kyle in the past, but I’m Team Kyle again. I’m with her on this.

Teddi, Erika & Dorit meet up and go horseback riding. Then they have lunch and drinks at Viva Cantina, and they all just have girl talk and enjoy each other’s company. It’s nice.

The Umansky family is having dinner at The Occidental Grill. I am dead at Farrah – Mauricio asks, “You came two days and checked a bag?” Lmao @ Farrah – “Yup.” Same, girl. 🙋🏼‍♀️

I honestly love this family. They’re so close, it’s so nice. ❤️

Denise and Aaron are having Date Night at The Sunset Restaurant. They’re talking about how his divorced is finalized, and how they want to get married. “The only free day we have is September 8th.” Denise is like, “You want to get married in 10 days?” And he’s like “Fuck yeah.” 😂❤️ Lmao I love it. Also, I seriously love that he’s into numerology – if you add up the date, it equals 8, which symbolizes infinity. “He does have this thing with numbers,” Denise tells us in her confessional. LOL I love it, I live for this shit.

It’s the last day Kyle’s in DC, and they’re having breakfast at their hotel. Everyone is super emotional – why am I crying!? 😭 I feel for Sophia. I remember when I moved out of state when I was 19 – I was so nervous and anxious, despite being excited. I hate change, I cried the entire flight to Florida. Everything was fine, and Sophia will of course be okay, too. Moving is hard! And poor Portia! My heart broke when she was sobbing!

Dorit and Kyle are at LVP’s, because LVP wants to clear the air from The Bahamas. They sit down, and LVP starts off by saying that she felt she was accused of something she wasn’t guilty of.

Kyle looks super suspicious. LVP pulls out the printed texts between Teddi and John Blizzard.

“I can see what you’re saying, Teddi’s hands are not clean in this, but I don’t think it’s fair to put this on her when she wasn’t alone in the situation,” Kyle tells LVP. In her confessional, Kyle tells us that she knows all of this – she’s seen Teddi’s texts, and Teddi didn’t orchestrate this, despite her involvement.

“That’s absolute bullshit,” LVP snaps.

Kyle isn’t letting it go. She asks Dorit how she knew that Teddi knew, and Dorit says LVP told her. Kyle then asks LVP how she knew Teddi knew, and LVP says she didn’t know that Teddi knew at the time. That doesn’t make sense? 🤔 LVP says she never had a discussion with Teddi or John Blizzard. Kyle’s basically like, “So who told you?” LVP isn’t giving an answer.

Dorit is realizing now that Teddi wasn’t as innocent in this scandal as she had originally believed. She’s definitely pissed, but she’s weary of LVP too.

And that concludes Episode 5.

Next week looks good – it looks like Teddi & LVP go head to head.

But – are we honestly going to talk about Puppy Gate all season? Cause I’m over this. And I definitely cannot watch 15 more episodes where we talk about it. I’m exhausted.

Until next week….

RHOBH: BAHAMA DRAMA

We’re back in the Bahamas, and we’re still talking about Puppy Gate.

Teddi feels manipulated, and Lisa is growing annoyed with Dorit. She feels like she’s gone out of her way to avoid talking about the dog, yet Dorit is siding with all of the girls over her.

The Girls all meet up in the morning. They’re having frozen drinks (that I’m honestly jealous of 😂) before they all go off and do their own things for the day. Dorit, Rinna, Denise & Camille are going out on a boat and plan on snorkeling. Kyle and LVP are going to go shopping, and Erika & Teddi are going golfing together.

I’m loving Erika & Teddi getting along. Teddi is terrible at golf, but they’re having fun together.

On the boat, the girls are talking about the night before and Puppy Gate. Rinna asks Dorit how she’s feeling, and she replies, “Like I’ve been run over by a truck.” Denise joins in on the conversation and says that she is confused by the situation and doesn’t know the whole story. Dorit re-explains it, and Camille chimes in, saying she believes Lisa Vanderpump is upset because Dorit told her she gave the dog away after she did it. Dorit is adamant that LVP was not upset about that, but Camille is insistent that it’s a possibility.

This entire story is so sketchy. There is something more to it that we, the viewers, aren’t getting. Dorit is vague with her answer, and continues to be in real time about the million dollar question – why didn’t she give Lucy back to Vanderpump Dogs? Why didn’t she tell Lisa she was going to give Lucy to another family before she did it? We honestly may never know.

LVP & Kyle are shopping at the Tropic of Luxury Boutique. Kyle keeps trying to bring up the conversation that happened the night before, but LVP keeps dismissing her attempts.

Meanwhile, Teddi is filling Erika in on everything. Erika tells Teddi, “This feels like a well orchestrated plan to pit two women against each other.”

Teddi tells Erika that the staff at Vanderpump Dogs told her about Lucy – and that she knows with 100% certainty that Lisa is the one who told them to tell her. Teddi also states that she has proof, but she doesn’t want to have to go there, and Erika tells her that she may have to. Unfortunately, Erika is right.

The girls on the boat are now snorkeling, and they’re disappointed because there is nothing to see in the ocean.

Kyle & LVP have lunch after shopping, and Kyle brings up last night again. She tells Lisa that Teddi feels “set up”, but Lisa adamantly denies that.

Back over on the golf course, Teddi tells Erika that she just wants LVP to own the fact that she orchestrated this. Erika is in total agreement with Teddi and I have to say, I’m super excited about this new friendship that is forming between them.

At the hotel, we catch LVP on the phone, and she’s calling John Sessa. She tells us that she feels John Sessa was out of order, but Sessa is pissed off at being called out. He tells Lisa that he’s her partner, not her employee. To be honest – this scene seemed super staged to me. I don’t believe John Sessa would speak to LVP like that, period.

Total side note: I’m LOVING Rinna & Kris Jenner in this super random clip/ad for Captain Marvel. I am dead. 😂💀

Later that night, the girls are all getting ready to go to dinner together. LVP calls Teddi and asks her if she wants to meet up, so they can clear the air. Teddi agrees to come over.

Teddi calls her out – “You gave direct instructions to tell me.” LVP says that she didn’t. They’re both talking in circles, and I think Teddi is beginning to realize she’s not going to get what she wants out of this conversation with Lisa. Lisa tells her, “I want to clear this up with you.” To which Teddi retorts, “Then say you’re sorry that you put me in this situation.”

“I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but I did not tell my employees to tell you.”

Teddi whips her phone out so fast, and shows Lisa the text between herself and John Blizzard, where Teddi asks if Lisa told him to tell her, and Blizzard replies with a YES. LVP isn’t phased by this – she says she doesn’t even talk to John Blizzard.

Teddi is fuming at this point, and she gets up to find Dorit so she can tell her what’s going on. LVP is clearly shocked.

Teddi fills in Dorit, and then she turns to LVP. “You’re not confused in this situation.” She ends up storming out of Lisa & Dorit’s suite.

Dorit feels torn. LVP tells her exactly what was said, and Dorit asks, “Is it true?” LVP says it’s not true, and Dorit asks again. She says that if it’s true, she just wants Lisa to say it now. LVP says John Blizzard is just making stuff up and basically being a busy body. Dorit doesn’t know what to believe.

Dinner is awkward and uncomfortable. Everyone is trying to make forced small talk, and it’s obvious.

Rinna proposes a toast to Dorit for inviting them on such a lovely vacation. Dorit toasts with the group, however, she says that she’s had some “unpleasant moments” – referencing herself and LVP. Camille is playing peacemaker and says, “Well, hopefully you guys can work that out.” Lisa and Dorit just stare at each other.

Teddi tells us that she had a good day, but admits that the end of her day sucked. She tells us that she can be cordial but she’s not going to sugarcoat it and have small talk and pretend like everything is hunky dory because she’s not a fucking fake.

Dorit admits that she’s bothered too, and believes Teddi 100%.

LVP is literally livid watching this play out. She tells us in her confessional that Dorit stands for nothing. “Have some loyalty to your friend to that’s had your back for two years.” She goes on to say, “With friends like these….well, I think you know the rest.”

Rinna is loving every second of this, and I’m literally dying when she exclaims dramatically, “Why is this happening to Teddi Mellencamp!?” Lmaoooo. Legit dead.

Lisa has had enough. She gets up to leave, and the group acts so shocked by this. Lisa says that no one has acknowledged her all night, and she has an early flight, and she’s going back to her room. Dorit asks her not to leave, but she goes anyway. Kyle chases after her.

Dorit tells us that she would really like to believe LVP and have everything be normal, but she has to be true to herself. She needs a few moments to process it.

Kyle stops Lisa, and Lisa says that Teddi has known her for 5 minutes and is making her out to be some bitch. She tells Kyle, “You’ve known me a long time.” Kyle says that has nothing to do with it.

Back at the table, Rinna tells us she has empathy for Teddi because she’s been in her position before, and we get a flashback to 2015 when a similar situation occurred. (I completely forgot about this!!) I don’t remember the whole situation, but I do remember that Rinna felt set up by LVP, but LVP denied it.

Kyle returns, and it’s clear that she’s just as suspicious as the rest of the group, but being the closest one to LVP, she’s feeling caught in the middle. Teddi states that she is an honest person, and then she shows the group her proof, the text on her phone. Everyone is in an uproar because of this. (LOL @ Rinna – “BOOM!”) Rinna then tells Kyle that she needs to pipe in and tell Teddi that LVP doesn’t always tell the truth. Kyle hesitantly says, “I’m in a really bad position.”

The girls basically all come for Kyle, and she’s not having it. “I’m not responsible for Lisa Vanderpump’s actions!”

The group is all riled up at this point, and they’re basically all talking at once. Kyle pretty much says that everyone has good sides and bad sides, and “That’s a bad fucking side she has and she will never admit it.”

Camille, still the peacemaker of the group, feels like all the girls have been catty at one point or another, so they just need to move forward in their friendships because life’s too short to hold grudges.

Denise tells us, “My Spidey Senses tell me it’s not good to get on LVP’s bad side.” She’s not wrong.

In the hotel room, Lisa is trying to call Ken, but her call keeps failing. It’s hard not to feel some sort of sympathy for her in this scene, no matter what your thoughts are on the Puppy Gate Scandal.

The next morning, Kyle & Lisa are out super early. Kyle tells us that the rest of the group went out last night, and up until two hours ago she was taking shots. We see a clip of the girls all partying and having fun at a club. LVP wants to talk about the dinner the night before, and Kyle tells us, “I’ve slept two hours, I can’t hear about Lucy Goosey whatever that dogs name is.”

The rest of the group slept in, and they all meet up at Dorit’s suite for breakfast.

I love Denise – “These girls even dress up for breakfast, they’re lucky I put a bra on.” 😂😂 Her authenticity is so refreshing. Love her.

The girls discuss the events of the night before, and LVP. Dorit tells us that she wants ownership from LVP & an apology from her. (Good luck with that.)

Back in Beverly Hills, Lisa is catching up with Ken and filling him in on how horrible her trip was. She’s emotional, and honestly, this part got to me. Ken tells Lisa he went to see John Blizzard, and had him print out his texts between himself and Teddi. Supposedly, Teddi is the one who said to bring the dog out at Vanderpump Dogs. Again, I have such mixed feelings about this, because it’s hard not to believe Lisa’s surprise is anything but genuine.

We’re left with another cliffhanger in the Puppy Gate Saga. 🙆🏼‍♀️. I had a lot of feels watching this episode. If I had never seen RHOBH before, and if I didn’t know what was going on in real time (Teddi admitting she was in on Puppy Gate, but LVP double crossed her), I honestly would believe Lisa Vanderpump. Knowing what I know from prior seasons though, this is a pattern, ongoing since Season 1. LVP has always been The Queen of BH, and no one usually goes against her.

I think LVP severely underestimated Teddi. Last season, Teddi didn’t entirely fit in – she had a lot of drama with Dorit, and she fell to pieces when Erika yelled at her. It seemed like she only really got along with LVP, and I think LVP used that to her advantage, not giving Teddi enough credit. She definitely didn’t count on Teddi making stronger friendships this season, or really speaking up for herself.

So, if you’re asking if I think LVP is guilty of orchestrating the Puppy Gate Scandal – the answer is yes. Why? Because she was mad at Dorit & wanted to punish her without actually getting her hands dirty. End of story.

Until next week….