RHOBH: THE SHOW MUST GO ON

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We start off at Camille’s – it’s one week until her wedding, and she’s trying on her wedding dress for the first time.  I absolutely love it, so perfect for a tropical wedding in Hawaii! She looks gorgeous.

We’re all around Beverly Hills now – LVP is showing off her new kitchen to John Sessa.  (Her new kitchen is phenomenal – but please get that thirsty ass dude off of my screen! I can’t stand John Sessa.  He’s on another level.)  Erika is doing an interview prior to her show later that night at The Globe.  Over at Dorit’s, she and PK are talking about the camping trip, and they’re annoying me.  “Nothing about us is RV Holidays.”  Like you guys didn’t go real camping.  You want to know what real camping is?  Sleeping in a tent that took you like seven hours to pitch, spiders and moths surrounding your tent so you freak out and sleep in the car, and then it torrentially downpours and you have to trudge a half a mile in the mud to the bathroom at 3:00 AM.  Try that for “camping” and get back to me.  EYE ROLL.

Kyle, Rinna and Teddi are working out – they’re running around Kyle’s property, and then they head to her home gym.  They need to work off the calories they ate while they were camping. (This is beyond annoying to me – you never even ate Kyle! Give me a break, lmao.)  The girls are half working out, half chatting.  They talk bout the camping trip, and Teddi and Camille’s mini feud gets brought up.  “She went from prostate, to calling me a know it all,” Teddi says.  “You know why she said it though?” Kyle asks.  “Because of the Boy George concert.”  Teddi doesn’t think she was being a know it all during that situation, she just was sticking up for her friend.  She also doesn’t think she was being a know it all during camping – why isn’t she allowed to have an opinion?  I said this last week, and I’ll say it again.  Sometimes Teddi carries on when she should drop it, but I really don’t think I would say she was a “know-it-all”.  That’s dramatic.  I also think she should be allowed to have an opinion during a group conversation.

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I love Aaron and Denise so much.  Denise is going to Florida for work for a few days (acting) and Aaron is basically holding fort.  Denise stops by Sami’s friends house, because Sami is going to the homecoming dance that night.  Denise gets emotional while saying goodbye because she hates that she’s missing seeing her off.  Denise is just so real and authentic with us, and I can’t get enough of her.  She’s such a great addition to the show.  I love her relationship with Aaron, and with her children.  They’re my favorites.

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It’s the night of the show, and the girls are all arriving to see Erika Jayne.  Rinna’s hair is literally giving me life – this look is absolutely fabulous.  I’m obsessed.

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Mid performance, the music cuts out, and Erika is fucking livid.  I don’t blame her.  She is such a badass though – I mean, she’s live, and like the title says, the show must go on.  She keeps going, and the music comes back.  She put on an amazing performance.

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After the show, the girls all go backstage to see her. We rarely get to see Tom and Erika together, and I loved this.  He’s so supportive, and she’s just beaming from his approval.  I love them.

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The girls are all drunk and silly.  Kyle gives Mauricio a lap dance, and then Edwin asks Teddi where his is.  Teddi says that she already gave him a lap dance yesterday, and he lasted two minutes.  Apparently, she gave him a lap dance to “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus, which Kyle and Dorit think is hilarious.

The next day, Kyle and Teddi take Portia and Slate with them for Mani/Pedi’s.  They talk about Camille’s wedding, and Kyle is freaking out because she doesn’t have her bridesmaid dress yet.  Teddi goes over the itinerary for the trip, and Kyle is just like “What?” She makes a joke that Camille should be grateful that Teddi’s a “know-it-all” because she actually does know the itinerary down pat for her weekend.

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Meanwhile, LVP calls up Camille and invites her over for tea, and she accepts.  Camille really wants Lisa to go to her wedding, but doesn’t want her to feel uncomfortable with the other ladies.  She asks her point blank if she’ll go, and Lisa declines.  She does apologize, but she just can’t be around the other women at this point.  Camille tells her that she gets it, but she wants to make it right between Lisa and the other ladies – especially Kyle. LVP is adamant that none of the girls are her friends.  “You don’t treat friends like that.  What do I have to do to prove I’m not lying, take a lie detector test?”

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Honestly, this scene annoyed me, because Camille is being super understanding to LVP’s face, but then she’s in her confessional saying a totally different thing.  “This is not the Lisa that I knew,” she tells us.  Camille feels as though Lisa is being a victim, and she’s never been one to play the victim.  According to Camille, LVP is acting like an immature girl hiding from the truth.  Ummm, that’s a little harsh, Camille.

Then we’re presented with a screen that reads: 24 HOURS LATER – and LVP is literally being hooked up to a lie detector test.  This is so fucking dramatic I can’t.  I mean, really?  I’m not even just saying this because I absolutely hate lie detector tests – they’re not real!  If they’re not admissible in court, they’re not accurate.  It’s just like, this is so over the top.

This was a total filler episode, but next week, we have Camille’s wedding.

Until then….

xo

RHOP: THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Before we start – I have to start off by saying – DO NOT SLEEP ON POTOMAC! You guys, this show is so damn good.  I honestly forgot how much I loved it.

We start off following all of the ladies around Potomac.  (Side note: Pregnant Monique is the absolute cutest.)  We learn that we have one week until Candiace’s wedding.

GIZELLE AND HER GIRLS

We’re at Gizelle’s house with her and her girls.  (Her girls kill me, they are too funny.  “Mom, your pants are so ugly!” Lmao.)  We learn that Gizelle has given Sherman another chance, which I’m happy about.  The girls loved him, and I liked them together, too.  Gizelle is making cookies, which she plans on bringing over to Karen.  Gizelle and Karen are still not in a good place – we saw the demise of their friendship last year, which I think ha a lot to do with the fact that Gizelle really was not a good friend to Karen.  And I’m saying that as a person who freaking loves Gizelle.  Karen wasn’t innocent by any means – she was literally lying about the dumbest shit left and right.  But I think Gizelle went too far with some of her “jokes”, as she calls them.  Her girls are funny though – they ask Gizelle if she was mean to Karen, and if that’s why she’s baking her cookies.  Gizelle says Karen didn’t care for some of her jokes, and her girls are like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t say it, then.”  Those girls are wise beyond their years.

ASHLEY AND MICHAEL

We learn that Ashley miscarried after the season last year, which is so sad and so horrible, and my heart goes out to her for that.  I just really cannot stand Michael, so it’s hard for me to watch any scene with him in it.  Especially when Ashley tells us she’s actively trying to get pregnant, and they want to “put a little Joey in this pouch.”  Did you have to word it like that?  This whole scene is skeevy to me.  And I feel bad saying that, because Ashley deserves to be happy, and if she wants to have a baby, I want that for her, too.  But Michael is just….disgusting.  I’m sorry that I’m not sorry.  I can’t even get into the weird shit they’re doing, because my poor eyes can’t un-see that.  But when Ashley is asking Michael if she’s doing better, and if he sees a change in her, I’m so confused.  Why did Ashley need to change?  What’s so special about Michael?  I can’t figure out what she sees in him.  Dollar signs?  Basically Ashley is telling us that her and Michael are doing so well – and then our shady Bravo editors give us a “2 Months Later” screen and we see that Michael has been charged with sexual assault.  (This season is going to be an absolute shitshow.)

CAND AND CHRIS

Candiace is visiting Chris at his restaurant, and they’re chatting about their upcoming wedding.  Candiace has a million things on her mind related to the wedding, but one thing is bothering her the most – her half brother.  We learn that Candiace has a half brother – her father had a “tryst” before she married her mother, and had a child, Michael.  Candiace’s mother, Dorothy, knew about this, and still married Candiace’s father anyway and had Candiace.  Candiace wants to invite Michael to her wedding, but her mother is dead against it.  As someone who’s currently planning a wedding, I understand where Candiace is coming from, because you don’t want to upset people, especially your mother.  I think Candiace should just invite Michael regardless.  However, Candiace’s mother is contributing over $100 grand for this wedding, so yeah, she gets a say.  If you don’t want anyone to have a say – don’t take their money! It’s simple.  I can’t relate to that craziness, that’s just over the top and unnecessary.

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We’re over at Karen’s now, where she’s hanging out with her assistant, Matt.  (I’m loving Karen’s platinum hair – looks absolutely gorgeous.)

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Gizelle calls Karen, and tells her she’s in her neck of the woods.  Karen tells her she’s not ready to see her – her family is still grieving.  Karen tells us that she wants all of the girls to own up to all of the shit they did to her last year, Gizelle included.  Gizelle respects Karen’s decision, and they hang up.

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I’m LOLing – Karen starts to tell Matt that Gizelle was the one who called, and wanted to come over, when her phone starts ringing again and it’s Gizelle, again.  Gizelle tells her she understands she’s not ready to see her, but her girls did make her cookies and she would really like to bring them to her.  Karen tells her that Matt will come out and get the cookies, and Gizelle’s like, “No, I don’t want to see Matt.” (Lmfao, Matt is so offended.)  Karen finally agrees to let Gizelle drop the cookies off.  They barely speak, but I think we’re making progress!

Side note: I do not like Matt. Karen, he’s not real friend, girl.  He’s totally giving me Cedric vibes from RHOBH S1.  And look what Cedric did to LVP – royally screwed her over.  Matt is thirsty AF and wants to be on television.  Do. Not. Trust. Him.

MONIQUE

We’re at Monique’s, and she is so cute pregnant – and hilarious.  I’m dying watching her with her children, they’re too funny.  I also really love her relationship with her husband, Chris.  Monique and Chris are talking, and Chris tells Monique she owes Gizelle an apology.  I honestly don’t remember this, but apparently Monique put Sherman on blast last year?  Chris is annoyed because it made things awkward between himself and Sherman, and they go to the same gym.  (Lmao.)  Monique agrees that she owes them both an apology, and she only did it to be spiteful to Gizelle.  (I need to go back and rewatch this, because I’m blanking on all of this.)  We also learn that Monique has stayed close with Karen and Candiace – not so much the other girls.

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Robyn and Juan have been doing really good.  They’re currently at a couples massage, and have vowed to be more romantic together.  I mean, I think it’s nice?  Maybe they can grow as a couple and be more serious?

We are now four days away from Candiace’s wedding, FYI.

KAREN AND CANDIACE

Karen is over at Candiace’s, and Candiace shares with her the news about her half brother.  She has invited him to the wedding – she just hasn’t told her mother yet.  Candiace doesn’t want her mom to hate her – but I think it’s more than that.   I think Candiace is worried about being cut of financially from her mother, which is honestly ridiculous. Karen thinks Candiace carries around too much of her mother’s baggage.  I understand Candiace wants to please her mother, but this is a lot.

Three days until the wedding.

CANDIACE

Candiace is with her mother, making her breakfast.  According to Candiace, Dorothy is very “critical and opinionated” and Candiace is petrified to tell her that she’s invited her half brother to the wedding.  She finally works up the courage; and her worst fears are confirmed.  I’m sorry – Dorothy is a fucking monster.  She’s toxic AF.  “This is bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!” Dorothy exclaims.  Candiace is getting worked up – she’s like, “It’s not Michael’s fault!” which is entirely true.  Her Mother isn’t having it – she’s beyond pissed, and tells Candiace, “You just made a big mistake.”  Candiace reminds her that it’s her wedding day, not Dorothy’s.  Dorothy is embarrassed and Candiace can’t wrap her head around that, either.  “Everyone knows Dad had another child!” Also true.  There is literally no reasoning with Dorothy right now, so Candiace leaves the room, crying.  “Those crocodile tears don’t mean anything,” Dorothy tells her.  Christ, she’s brutal!

Next week is the wedding, and I’m so excited.  Not bad for a first episode, huh?

Until next week….

xo

TEXICANAS: CHAPTER 1: 2 MONTHS EARLIER

I’m always down for a new show, especially when it’s a Bravo TV one!  I was unsure about Texicanas in the beginning, but as the show went on, I really started to get into it, and was interested in finding out what happened with the ladies.  So let’s just get right to it.

Penny is narrating the show for us.  We know something big goes down in her friend group, all because of a group chat, and everyone is fighting.  But they show us this right at the very beginning, and I don’t know who anyone is yet, so I’m not following.  Then they rewind us, and take us back to the beginning; two months earlier.

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We’re at Mayra’s house for a Cinco De Mayo party.  (Mayra is the one in the picture above.)  Mayra was born and raised in Mexico, but has been living in San Antonio for the past 8 years.  She’s married to Fernando, and she also has kids.  The girls describe Mayra as a perfectionist.  (Some, may even call her anal.)

Lorena

This is Lorena.  She’s friends with everyone, and known as the “gossiper” of the group.  Lorena disagrees – she wouldn’t have to gossip if everyone just owned their shit.  She always ends up being put in the middle.  Lorena is also married and has two children, and has been living in San Antonio for 8 years as well.  Some other ways the ladies would describe Lorena: “Life of the party”, “Super loud” and “Typical Mexican Firecracker.”  LOL.

Luz

Luz is newer to the group.  She’s a divorced mother of three, and owns a boxing studio.  She must also be in the real estate world, because Penny states that’s how she knows her.  She’s been living in San Antonio for 16 years.

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Anayancy is the youngest of the group.  She comes from a very wealthy family, and is definitely known as a “Princess”.  She’s currently engaged, and her fiancé’s name is Jason.

Karla

Karla is known as the “Diva” of the group.  She wouldn’t call herself a diva, but she does admit that she’s intense and demanding.  She’s been living in San Antonio since she was 18.

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This is Penny, our narrator.  She wonders how she would describe herself, and then they show us the girls, describing Penny.  “Overly sexual” is the one that stuck out the most.

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We’re still at the Cinco De Maya party.  This is when Penny tells us that she knows Luz from real estate. She also tells us that Luz and Mayra are like “oil and water.”  Mayra is not a fan of Luz, and Luz is not a fan of being judged.

Penny also fills us in on how the girls all know each other.  Lorena and Penny met at a kids party, and Penny realized that Lorena knew her godson.  They both met Mayra on the San Antonio social scene (which is supposedly super small.)  Mayra met Karla through mutual friends, and introduced her to Lorena and Penny.  They all hit it off.  Lorena knew Anayancy when she moved to San Antonio eight years ago, so she introduced her to the group.  Luz’s connection is because of Penny.  We also meet Janet, who is Luz’s best friend.

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The girls are all hanging out and talking at the party, and Janet says to Mayra, “I take back what Luz said about you.”  (Lmao.)  Mayra is like, “What did Luz say about me?”  Janet is so nonchalant and casually answers, “You’re anal.  You get on her nerves.”

Mayra is clearly pissed, and sensitive.  Penny tells us that Mayra is totally going to harp on this, and she’s not wrong.

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The next day, we’re at Penny’s house.  Penny’s husband is Raul, and she has two sons, Andres and Nicolas.  She’s working out, and yes, she has a stripper pole in her living room.

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Lorena and Karla are “Lunch Buddies”.  Neither of them work, so they meet up for lunch and hang out and chat for like four hours.  This time, Luz joins them.  Lorena talks about how they’re going to a surprise birthday dinner for Mayra the following night, and they realize Luz isn’t invited.  Lorena explains that Mayra’s husband is the one who planned it, and it’s only for her closest friends.  Luz isn’t offended; she owns the fact she’s not great friends with Mayra.  Karla and Lorena both like Luz, and they feel like that in itself is problematic, because they know Mayra doesn’t like her.

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At dinner the next night for Mayra’s surprise birthday bash, Mayra is surprised herself to find out that her husband didn’t include Anayancy.  She’s upset by this – she considers her one of her close friends.  She reaches out to her, and Anayancy comes over the following day.  Anayancy admits she was offended that she wasn’t invited, but Mayra apologizes on behalf of her husband, and they’re all good.

We learn that Anayancy has quit her job – she’s a single mom, and her boss was constantly giving her a hard time about taking time off to be with her daughter.  She wants to get into hosting charities, particularly for raising awareness of domestic violence.  Mayra has connections, and offers to help Anayancy out, and she’s grateful.

Meanwhile, Luz is over at Janet’s.  They’re talking about an upcoming Spartan Race – Luz invited all of the girls, except for Mayra.  She doesn’t like Mayra – she reminds her of a time when Luz was living in a world, prior to her divorce, where everything was about image.  Luz said she was ostracized in the Mexican Community when she did get divorced, and she doesn’t want to be around someone who tries so hard.  She thinks Mayra cares too much about what other people think.

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Penny and Mayra are having lunch.  We learn that Mayra currently doesn’t work – she worked when they lived in Mexico, but she can’t work now because she doesn’t have a green card.  She said it took her a while to get used to being a stay at home mom.  Penny brings up the Spartan Race, and Mayra isn’t surprised that she’s not invited.  She says she doesn’t care, but Penny thinks she feels left out.

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The girls all go to Bubbles, which is a food and wine festival that kicks off culinary week in San Antonio.  (This looks so fun, I want to go!)  The girls get their drinks and sit down and are chatting.  Mayra brings up the charity to Anayancy, because she’s already reached out to her contact, but Anayancy doesn’t want to talk about the charity right then and there, which annoys Mayra.  She keeps coming at Anayancy, and Karla calls her out and tells her she’s being “attack-ish”.

The Spartan Race gets brought up again, and Mayra is being super over the top.  She’s really hating on the race in general and being dramatic.  They joke about the fact that Karla doesn’t own tennis shoes, and Mayra’s like, “She could get injured!”

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Luz calls Mayra “anal” again, and Mayra practically loses it.  She’s like, “Can you even define anal?”  She actually pats Luz on the head, and tells her to research her shit before she starts calling people names.  Mayra and Penny go to the bathroom, and Luz is livid.

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Luz is literally going to kick Mayra’s ass if she puts her hands on her again.  Lorena is shocked, because she’s never seen this type of behavior from Mayra before, and Karla thinks it’s fucked up and doesn’t think Mayra should’ve put her hands on Luz, period.  The girls joke around and google “anal” and, anal is basically uptight and psycho – which is kind of how Mayra’s acting, so.

We end on somewhat of a cliff hanger – we know Luz and Mayra have it out for each other, but we leave off at Bubbles.

Who watched this week?  Tell me what you think.  I was unsure at first, but I think there’s potential. I hope that Penny isn’t narrating the entire show, but I can live with it if she is.

Until next week….

xo

RHOBH: GRILLING ME SOFTLY

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We’re back in Beverly Hills, but we’re not staying here for long – we’re going camping! (Except this is literally not camping at all, these bitches are basically staying in hotel rooms.  They should’ve said Glamping.)  But anyway.

We start off with all of the girls packing (well, over packing), but I truly have never related more to Rinna in my life when she’s like, “I want to be extra prepared.”  I totally get that.  I pack the same way, even if it’s just for a night.

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The girls are all meeting up at Teddi’s house, since she has the RV.  It’s initially pretty awkward between Kyle and Dorit, which is understandable given the events of last weeks episode.  We do learn that PK has texted Kyle, and she’s decided to let the whole thing go, but things are still weird between Kyle and Dorit.

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They load up the RV, and then they’re off. We stop at the grocery store first – have these women ever been to a grocery store before?  I’m LOLing at Rinna – “I love a market.”  It’s like mayhem; everyone is just grabbing things off the shelf and throwing it in the cart.  They spend $700 – you guys, you’re going for one night!!!  They arrive at camp and decide who’s going to be rooming with who.  I’m LOLing also at Erika – she looks at Rinna with her huge ass bag and is like, “What the fuck is in this bag?  A body?  Vanderpump?” Dead.

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After everyone settles in, Erika goes to get a massage (again, this is not “camping” – I’m sorry, I had no masseuse on hand when I went camping) and the rest of the girls play beer pong.  Dorit is literally the beer pong champ – who would’ve thought? The girls are all having fun though, and it’s a nice break to see.

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This is also not what my “tent” looked like while camping.  LOL.

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Teddi and Dorit win the beer pong game, and then the girls all sit down to chat/drink.  Denise asks Kyle if she regrets her conversation with Lisa and Ken.  She doesn’t regret it, but she does regret the outcome. Dorit chimes in, and says, “I don’t understand how it turned that she’s angry with me.”  Teddi replies, “She was originally angry at you, Dorit.  That’s what you’re missing.  It was a passive aggressive punishment.”  (Fact.)  Erika rejoins the group, back from her massage, and they fill her in on the conversation.  She basically could careless about LVP.  Dorit says LVP “drew a line in the sand” in regards to their friendship, and Erika basically shrugs.  “I care about the women at this table,” she tells us.  “If you wanna be an asshole, go be a fucking asshole.”  I couldn’t agree more Erika!

The next day, the girls all go “rock climbing.”  Nothing about this is interesting to me – except, did Camille just say she used to wear a strap on with Kelsey? The fuck!?

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Back at camp, they start grilling, and it’s literally a disaster. Camille has been making petty comments about Teddi this entire episode in her confessional, and she’s annoyed that Teddi said she was “fired” from grill duty.  Like Camille, grow up.  Once the food is ready, the girls all sit down to eat.  Denise leaves this time to get a massage, and the rest of the girls are eating and chatting.  Of course LVP is brought up.  Camille says that she wants her at her wedding, and Teddi tells her that she should actually call her if she wants her there.  Again, in Camille’s confessional, she says that Teddi is a “know-it-all” and that it’s “irritating.”  Why is Teddi not allowed to have an opinion on a group conversation?

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Denise is back, and they somehow get on the topic of massages having happy endings.  We learn that Denise has had one, and she said when she met Aaron he had never had one, so she took him to get one, and Rinna and Teddi’s face in the picture above is everyone’s literal reaction to this news.  I am dead, lmao.  I love when Erika chimes in and is like, “I don’t know any man who’s never fucked a hooker.  I mean, Tom never said he did, but he was a young man once.”  I am dying.

The girls are all sitting around the fire, and Denise and Dorit go off to get drinks.  Camille comments to Kyle that things between herself and Dorit seem better, and Kyle says that they are, and divulges the information that PK reached out to her.  I don’t agree with Camille calling Teddi a know-it-all, but I don’t think she should’ve said anything at this point about this particular situation.  “Things don’t fly out of your mouth that you’re not thinking.  I’m sorry.”  Rinna agrees with Teddi and says, “That’s true.”  Kyle pipes in, “He was drinking though,” to which Teddi responds, “It was deliberate, not malicious.”  Rinna, forever a shit stirrer, says, “Maybe it was malicious.  Who knows?”

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Dorit and Denise are back, and Dorit asks, “What’s malicious?”  When she learns they’re talking about PK, she is visibly frustrated, and  I don’t blame her.  Why are we rehashing this!? Like let’s drop it, it’s over and done with.  The girls move away from the fire and over to the picnic table, where their conversation continues.  Teddi admits that she thinks PK was trying to be a dick, basically, which hurts Dorit’s feelings.  I understand where Dorit is coming from, and I also feel like just because Teddi feels a certain way at times, doesn’t mean she always has to say it.  Sometimes it’s better to just keep your thoughts to yourself and keep peace within the group.

Camille is beyond annoyed at this point, and she’s coming for Teddi.  She’s being super condescending to her, but denies it.  “You said you know everything,” Camille tells Teddi.  Erika looks at them both, confused, and then asks Teddi, “Did you say you’re a know-it-all?”  Teddi is like, “I never said that.”  Camille replies, “I said that she was a know it all to Denise.”  They banter back and forth, and it’s honestly stupid.  Teddi calls out Camille for talking behind her back but never having the balls to say it to her face, and Camille’s like, “My face is right here.”  (Lmao, I cannot.)  Dorit’s feeling emotional between what happened with LVP and her prior conversation with Kyle a few nights earlier, and Kyle apologizes for that.  They seem fine, and Teddi and Camille drop their argument as well.  Camille just thinks Teddi inserts herself into conversations where she doesn’t belong.

The girls head to bed, and the next morning, they pack up and head home.  Erika invites them all to her show that’s at The Globe Theatre, and we exit the show with all of the girls singing, “Kumbaya” in the RV.

Not a crazy episode, but I enjoyed the girls getting along for the most part, and Erika Jayne eating pumpkin pie for breakfast literally gave me life.

Until next week….

xo