RHOP: THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Before we start – I have to start off by saying – DO NOT SLEEP ON POTOMAC! You guys, this show is so damn good.  I honestly forgot how much I loved it.

We start off following all of the ladies around Potomac.  (Side note: Pregnant Monique is the absolute cutest.)  We learn that we have one week until Candiace’s wedding.

GIZELLE AND HER GIRLS

We’re at Gizelle’s house with her and her girls.  (Her girls kill me, they are too funny.  “Mom, your pants are so ugly!” Lmao.)  We learn that Gizelle has given Sherman another chance, which I’m happy about.  The girls loved him, and I liked them together, too.  Gizelle is making cookies, which she plans on bringing over to Karen.  Gizelle and Karen are still not in a good place – we saw the demise of their friendship last year, which I think ha a lot to do with the fact that Gizelle really was not a good friend to Karen.  And I’m saying that as a person who freaking loves Gizelle.  Karen wasn’t innocent by any means – she was literally lying about the dumbest shit left and right.  But I think Gizelle went too far with some of her “jokes”, as she calls them.  Her girls are funny though – they ask Gizelle if she was mean to Karen, and if that’s why she’s baking her cookies.  Gizelle says Karen didn’t care for some of her jokes, and her girls are like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t say it, then.”  Those girls are wise beyond their years.

ASHLEY AND MICHAEL

We learn that Ashley miscarried after the season last year, which is so sad and so horrible, and my heart goes out to her for that.  I just really cannot stand Michael, so it’s hard for me to watch any scene with him in it.  Especially when Ashley tells us she’s actively trying to get pregnant, and they want to “put a little Joey in this pouch.”  Did you have to word it like that?  This whole scene is skeevy to me.  And I feel bad saying that, because Ashley deserves to be happy, and if she wants to have a baby, I want that for her, too.  But Michael is just….disgusting.  I’m sorry that I’m not sorry.  I can’t even get into the weird shit they’re doing, because my poor eyes can’t un-see that.  But when Ashley is asking Michael if she’s doing better, and if he sees a change in her, I’m so confused.  Why did Ashley need to change?  What’s so special about Michael?  I can’t figure out what she sees in him.  Dollar signs?  Basically Ashley is telling us that her and Michael are doing so well – and then our shady Bravo editors give us a “2 Months Later” screen and we see that Michael has been charged with sexual assault.  (This season is going to be an absolute shitshow.)

CAND AND CHRIS

Candiace is visiting Chris at his restaurant, and they’re chatting about their upcoming wedding.  Candiace has a million things on her mind related to the wedding, but one thing is bothering her the most – her half brother.  We learn that Candiace has a half brother – her father had a “tryst” before she married her mother, and had a child, Michael.  Candiace’s mother, Dorothy, knew about this, and still married Candiace’s father anyway and had Candiace.  Candiace wants to invite Michael to her wedding, but her mother is dead against it.  As someone who’s currently planning a wedding, I understand where Candiace is coming from, because you don’t want to upset people, especially your mother.  I think Candiace should just invite Michael regardless.  However, Candiace’s mother is contributing over $100 grand for this wedding, so yeah, she gets a say.  If you don’t want anyone to have a say – don’t take their money! It’s simple.  I can’t relate to that craziness, that’s just over the top and unnecessary.

K HUGER

We’re over at Karen’s now, where she’s hanging out with her assistant, Matt.  (I’m loving Karen’s platinum hair – looks absolutely gorgeous.)

GIZELLE PHONE

KAREN PHONE

Gizelle calls Karen, and tells her she’s in her neck of the woods.  Karen tells her she’s not ready to see her – her family is still grieving.  Karen tells us that she wants all of the girls to own up to all of the shit they did to her last year, Gizelle included.  Gizelle respects Karen’s decision, and they hang up.

GIZELLE PHONE 2

K AND MATT 2

 

I’m LOLing – Karen starts to tell Matt that Gizelle was the one who called, and wanted to come over, when her phone starts ringing again and it’s Gizelle, again.  Gizelle tells her she understands she’s not ready to see her, but her girls did make her cookies and she would really like to bring them to her.  Karen tells her that Matt will come out and get the cookies, and Gizelle’s like, “No, I don’t want to see Matt.” (Lmfao, Matt is so offended.)  Karen finally agrees to let Gizelle drop the cookies off.  They barely speak, but I think we’re making progress!

Side note: I do not like Matt. Karen, he’s not real friend, girl.  He’s totally giving me Cedric vibes from RHOBH S1.  And look what Cedric did to LVP – royally screwed her over.  Matt is thirsty AF and wants to be on television.  Do. Not. Trust. Him.

MONIQUE

We’re at Monique’s, and she is so cute pregnant – and hilarious.  I’m dying watching her with her children, they’re too funny.  I also really love her relationship with her husband, Chris.  Monique and Chris are talking, and Chris tells Monique she owes Gizelle an apology.  I honestly don’t remember this, but apparently Monique put Sherman on blast last year?  Chris is annoyed because it made things awkward between himself and Sherman, and they go to the same gym.  (Lmao.)  Monique agrees that she owes them both an apology, and she only did it to be spiteful to Gizelle.  (I need to go back and rewatch this, because I’m blanking on all of this.)  We also learn that Monique has stayed close with Karen and Candiace – not so much the other girls.

ROBYN

Robyn and Juan have been doing really good.  They’re currently at a couples massage, and have vowed to be more romantic together.  I mean, I think it’s nice?  Maybe they can grow as a couple and be more serious?

We are now four days away from Candiace’s wedding, FYI.

KAREN AND CANDIACE

Karen is over at Candiace’s, and Candiace shares with her the news about her half brother.  She has invited him to the wedding – she just hasn’t told her mother yet.  Candiace doesn’t want her mom to hate her – but I think it’s more than that.   I think Candiace is worried about being cut of financially from her mother, which is honestly ridiculous. Karen thinks Candiace carries around too much of her mother’s baggage.  I understand Candiace wants to please her mother, but this is a lot.

Three days until the wedding.

CANDIACE

Candiace is with her mother, making her breakfast.  According to Candiace, Dorothy is very “critical and opinionated” and Candiace is petrified to tell her that she’s invited her half brother to the wedding.  She finally works up the courage; and her worst fears are confirmed.  I’m sorry – Dorothy is a fucking monster.  She’s toxic AF.  “This is bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!” Dorothy exclaims.  Candiace is getting worked up – she’s like, “It’s not Michael’s fault!” which is entirely true.  Her Mother isn’t having it – she’s beyond pissed, and tells Candiace, “You just made a big mistake.”  Candiace reminds her that it’s her wedding day, not Dorothy’s.  Dorothy is embarrassed and Candiace can’t wrap her head around that, either.  “Everyone knows Dad had another child!” Also true.  There is literally no reasoning with Dorothy right now, so Candiace leaves the room, crying.  “Those crocodile tears don’t mean anything,” Dorothy tells her.  Christ, she’s brutal!

Next week is the wedding, and I’m so excited.  Not bad for a first episode, huh?

Until next week….

xo