Here we are, Day 3 of Blogtober, and I already feel stuck, like I have nothing else to blog about. Which is completely untrue – I have two huge lists in my notes on my phone, but I couldn’t find anything I really felt like blogging about. So here we are, and I’m using my blog as my journal.
I’ve been super restless today, but also full of a weird energy that feels foreign to me. I don’t feel centered – I actually feel completely unbalanced. I can’t even get my words out properly. Maybe I’m over tired, but I’ve been like this pretty much all day.
Do you ever feel like you’re the only one who cares, and other people are so damn self centered and selfish? Cause that’s how I felt today. And it made me angry, because how can people be so selfish? I feel like so many people lack compassion and empathy, and that’s so hard for me to comprehend because I am extremely empathetic. I also realized that I’m pushy AF. I don’t mean to be….well, that’s not true. When it comes to what I believe is doing the right thing, then I think everyone should do it. So I guess I do mean to be. But after talking to a wonderful friend, whose like a second Mom to me, I realized I can’t worry about anyone else. I can only control myself and my own actions, no one else’s. And I need to let it go when things don’t go how I want them to.
I spent a lot of my day feeling some kind of way, and now that I’m reflecting on it, I realize that I didn’t have to. But you live and you learn, and I’ll use this day as an opportunity to grow.
I still feel restless, but hopefully that will pass soon. I wish I could describe exactly how I feel, but I’m not sure how to even put it into words. It’s a strange, anxious, energy. And I’m wondering if it’s because of all the pent up anger I was harboring today, or because there’s kind of a lot going on in my life in general, or a mixture of both.
I guess I just need to learn how to chill. And when I feel myself getting angry about stuff I can’t control, I need to let it go. And when I feel uncentered, maybe I need to journal, or sit in a quiet place and ask myself what’s going on. Maybe I should take up meditation, it would honestly probably be very beneficial to me.
It looks like Day 3 wasn’t a total failure, after all. I do feel better. And now that that’s off my chest, I’m off to bed. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel a little less restless, and a lot more balanced.