Do you guys remember when RHOBH used to be so good? I almost forgot until I re-watched The Dinner Party From Hell.  Pure Reality TV GOLD.  This is literally everything I want from my housewives – ridiculous, fun drama.  None of this Lucy Lucy Apple Juice stuff. These were the good old days.

Camille and Taylor are meeting up for lunch.  For those of you who don’t remember, this is Post-New York, where Kyle & Camille get into a huge argument.  Camille fills Taylor in on the fact that she plans to have a dinner party this upcoming Saturday, and she’s inviting all of the girls.  “I’m cautiously optimistic,” Camille tells Taylor.  She says that in addition to the girls coming, Camille is inviting her friend, Allison DuBois.  She explains to Taylor that Allison is a medium, and she has a show called Medium, which is about her life.  Camille tells us in her confessional that when Allison has too many cocktails, “she may hit below the belt.”  (We find that out soon enough.)

I truly miss Paul & Adrienne.  I loved them as a couple, they always made me laugh.  Paul is just yelling out for Adrienne, and then when we see him, he has a bandage on his nose.  Apparently he was wrestling with their son (who is 4) and got hurt.  Adrienne thinks Paul is being a huge baby.  LMAO.

Now we’re at Camille’s, who is calling the girls individually to invite them to dinner.  I’m dying when she calls LVP – apparently Lisa’s voicemail fucks with you?  But Lisa laughs in her confessional, so I couldn’t tell if she was messing with Camille or not.  Camille calls Kim and tells her to tell her sister – but also says she will call Kyle, too.  She does, and Kyle answers.  Kyle says that she has dinner already planned with a friend – would it be okay if her friend comes too? Camille says yes.

The night of the dinner, all of the girls are getting ready.  LVP is wary of Camille’s dinner party.  “Hopefully we can be civilized,” she tells us.  Kyle is getting ready, and fills in her stylist, who is surprised.  “Was she nice?” she asks.  “Very,” Kyle tells her. “She seemed genuine & sweet.”  We learn that Kyle is bringing Faye Resnick, a very good family friend. (I am so amped for this.)

Over at Camille’s, D.D., Camille’s assistant/best friend, is there.  D.D. wants to meet all the girls.  D.D. is surprised that Camille is even hosting this dinner, but is glad that it will be on her own turf.

Taylor, Adrienne and LVP all ride together, as do Kim, Kyle and Faye.

Over at Camille’s, Allison has arrived and Camille, D.D. and Allison are all chatting.

In the limo with Taylor, Adrienne and LVP, Taylor fills the other women in on the fact that Allison is a medium, and has a TV show based on her.

Back at Camille’s, Allison would like to do a toast.  “Cheers to old friends and new friends – and new friends who may end up being old friends. ” LMFAO, I am dying.  Clearly, Camille has an agenda with this dinner party, and Allison is an evil bitch.

Taylor, Adrienne and LVP arrive first.  Allison looks the women up and down – clearly, she’s super judgmental.  She can’t wait to brag to LVP that Patricia Arquette plays her in Medium, and that she also profiles serial killers. Um, wrong person to brag to, Allison.  LVP is clearly not a murderino, LMAO.  Kyle, Kim and Faye show up next.  Kyle feels awkward, but is happy that everyone seems to be getting along.

Everyone is drinking – they have a drink called the “Camille Cocktail”, which LVP describes as a “bowl of soup.” It’s huge, and the girls all say it’s super strong.  The drinks are flowing and everyone heads to the dining room and sits down at the table.  Allison just randomly starts talking out of her ass.  “It’s Saturday, we’re not supposed to be good.  We’re supposed to be bad in a controlled setting.”  Literally crickets – everyone’s just looking at each other like WTF?  Adrienne tells us in her confessional that she sat next to Allison and, “I thought she was strange.” Cut back to the table, and Allison is still rambling.  “I only have a brother, that’s why I like to hang out with Alpha Females.” Again, such a weird and random thing to say.  Adrienne breaks the silence by saying, “I think we should toast to that.”

Camille turns her attention to Kyle.  “How do you know Faye? Who is Faye? Why does she look so familiar?” She asks.  “Faye’s a very close family friend – she’s like a sister,” Kyle tells Camille.  Camille stops and thinks for a second.  “You know how I know her? I saw her naked in Playboy.”  Kyle looks livid, and for a moment I think she’s going to fly across the table at Camille.  LVP thinks it’s an inappropriate thing for Camille to say to her dinner guest.  Camille goes on, “You looked great.”  In her confessional, Camille says that she realized during dinner who Faye was.  “The morally corrupt Faye Resnick.  That’s who it is.”  At the table, she continues and says, “I loved your spread.”  Kyle is so not here for this. “Camille, didn’t you do Playboy?” Camille did, but she “didn’t pose naked.”  She justifies it by saying she was in her early 20’s.  In her confessional she tells us, “I didn’t just come off of a big murder trial that involved my best friend.  I don’t understand those kinds of people and I don’t want to associate with it.”  Kyle, in her confessional, tells us, “Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, and she just threw a big boulder.”

Tensions are high, and it’s already awkward enough without Allison pulling out her e-cig.  (She’s ahead of her time, LMAO.)  The girls are all impersonating her in their confessionals – Kyle compares her to Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

LVP is the first to bring up anything medium related.  She wants to know if Allison can feel people around them at the moment who have passed. Allison says she tells spirit to take a backseat, because everyone at the table is who she wants to focus on.  Camille is annoyed, and says that Allison is here as a guest, and doesn’t have to “perform.”  LVP keeps going – “Can’t you do something? Is my Grandmother here?” (LMAO.) “I hate to say it,” Allison says, annoyed, “But we’re having a girls night, and I’m off the clock.”  Kyle sticks up for Lisa and says, “We’re just curious.”  At this point, it’s obvious that Allison is sloshed, and Camille reaches for her cocktail to take it away from her.

Kyle whispers to Faye at the end of the table, “She’s off the clock, so should I whip out my credit card and be like, ‘Can I ask you a question now?'” Faye decides to ask a question, and Allison replies, “Don’t tempt me.” Kyle is like, “What does that mean, ‘Don’t tempt me?'” Allison simply replies, “Don’t get me started.” Camille interjects and says that Allison may potentially say something the girls don’t want to hear – example, if a spouse was cheating.  Kyle asks, “Can you tell us something that’s not scary?” Allison is basically possessed by a demon at this point, and evilly says, “What I want to say to you might be irritating.”  Kyle snaps back, “I don’t care.” Allison takes that as an okay.  “Have you been married twice?”  Kyle confirms that she has.  “Oh, well that’s good.  I thought I was going to have to tell you that you were going to get divorced and get married again.”  Then she starts talking about Kyle’s husband, Mauricio.  “He will never emotionally fulfill you. Know that.”

The whole table is shook.  “As soon as the kids are bigger, you’ll have nothing in common.” Camille says that Kyle pushed for the reading.  Kyle is amused but pissed.  “Anything else?” She asks Allison.  “You’re guarded,” Allison replies.  “You talk to males more than you talk to females.” Kyle immediately shuts that down and says that’s not true.  Camille speaks up and says, “That’s me. I get along better with males because girls are very catty to me.” This comment gets everyone talking about the NY drama, which we hoped would be avoided.

Camille insists that she didn’t tell Allison anything about NY – and Faye pipes up, saying she doesn’t believe that.  “If you’re as good as girlfriends as you say you are, she would’ve told you.  Kyle told me everything that happened in New York.” This pisses off Allison, who says,” You’re saying we’re not that good of girlfriends because she didn’t tell me?” To which Faye clap backs, “My psychic abilities tell me no.” I am DEAD.

Allison sticks up for Camille, saying she didn’t have to tell her, because she can fight her own battles.  Camille jumps in and asks, “Is that why you came Faye? To defend Kyle?” Kim is literally bugging out in her seat.  Faye says that’s not why she’s there, but also says, “There was an attack made on my friend.” In her confessional, Camille tells us, “Did I think it was a set up? Absolutely.” (LMAO – Camille, you set this up.  I’m dying.)

They’re still rehashing and arguing about New York, and Kyle is getting pissed because Allison keeps chiming in, and she wasn’t even there.  She tells her to be quiet, and Allison just hurls insults at her. “You’re entirely washed up.” Like what? It’s insinuated that Allison is there to defend Camille, to which Camille says, “I invited Allison because it makes for interesting conversation.”  Kyle shoots back, “But she’s off the clock.  We’re not allowed to talk about it.”  Preach. Allison starts praising herself, which is super awkward.  LVP is disgusted by it all – she says that Allison, “The Sidekick”, was more provocative than anyone else at the table.

Faye and Allison begin to argue again.  Allison tells Faye to leave, and Faye tells Allison to leave in return.  “You have two legs, the last time we checked,” Allison snaps at Faye.  Adrienne is just mortified by this entire thing.

Out of the blue, Taylor and Kim start going at it, which doesn’t help anything.  Kyle’s like, “This is all bullshit to me!” And then Kim randomly yells at Taylor, “Go blow up your lips some more!” LMFAO like WTF? In her confessional, Taylor tells us, “The dinner table was a swirling tornado.”

Taylor is the one to shut it down. “Enough!” She screams at everyone.  For whatever reason, this works, and the ladies all stand up to leave.  Kyle says, “I don’t get it, I’ve never had problems like this with anyone in my life.” Camille, who is still sitting, says, “I don’t have a problem with you Kyle.  Well, after New York you did call me a delusional bitch.” Camille also thinks Kyle is jealous of her, which I find humorous.  Jealous of what, exactly? They legit start to rehash the NY drama again and LVP is like, “We can’t go down that road again.”  Allison really wants to give her two cents again, and Kyle’s had it. They head out.

At the table, it’s just Camile, D.D. and Allison.  “I can tell you when she will die and what will happen to her family,” Allison says. “I love that about me.” (I’m so creeped out.)

Kim and Taylor are still fighting in the hallway, and when they make their way outside Kyle gets pissed at Kim.  Kim’s like, “Why are you mad at me!?” And Kyle says that her fighting with Taylor wasn’t helping anything, and she also felt like Kim didn’t have her back at all.  LVP tells us, “It was a few clowns short of a circus.”

Back inside, Allison is still going on. “Kyle’s a little bitch.  Kyle is the girl at our high school who made someone kill themselves.” (Jesus Christ, that is so dark.) D.D. seems mortified by this statement. Camille is angry, but not at Allison. “She came into my home and verbally assaulted me,” Camille says about Kyle.  (That’s so dramatic, but sure, Jan.)

The girls leave – poor Kim; Kyle makes her take a limo by herself because her house is “out of the way”, so she leaves alone while all of the other girls ride back together.  Adrienne says that the night was horrifying.

Switching back to Camille’s house, Allison hasn’t finished her rant yet. “Kyle is an angry bitch. Know that.” She insinuates that Mauricio cheats on her with the nanny, and Camille fuels the fire by saying “It’s more than just the nanny.” She takes it back, and says, “I’m not saying he’s cheating. I’m just saying he really likes women.” God, Camille and Allison are disgusting human beings. They also call Taylor a “Sacrificial Lamb” and D.D. tells Camille that Taylor isn’t her friend. Camille agrees.

Kyle, Taylor, Adrienne, LVP and Faye decide to go to The Beverly Hills Hotel for a drink.  We leave with poor Kim in the limo alone, calling Kyle, who is ignoring her calls.

And that, my friends, is the iconic Dinner Party From Hell.

Fun Fact: Allison DuBois still does readings, in case you ever want to get read by her. LMAO.